Humor

Nothin’ quite like my sister’s …

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Potato RollsMy little sister, Gretchen, is an exceptional cook. She has one standout recipe that is a Frantz family favorite. In fact, it adorns our table most all of the major holidays … Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Groundhog’s Dog … you get the picture.

Yep, I seem to recall a time or two when the family was in menu development mode it was the item we built the whole meal around. Gretchen’s shining gem of a recipe is … official drum roll please … potato rolls. Bet you thought I was going to say something like rack of lamb or that beef dish only Julia Child can pronounce.

The legend goes that many years ago Gretchen took a mediocre recipe and substituted real butter for shortening or some other oily substance. Then she turned right around and, kinda like Tinkerbell with her Disney magic wand, made another change. The sugar component vanished and in was poured fragrant sticky honey. It’s hard to decide what makes these rolls sing the loudest … the butter … or the honey. We took a poll at our house once and the honey won. Those bees really know what they are doin’.

Don’t take my word for it. I won $25 in a recipe contest held by our local newspaper many years ago with the potato rolls. Our oldest was two or three at the time. I gave the winnings to my sister. Katie and I got our picture in the newspaper. I made sure our daughter was perched on the kitchen counter covered in flour when the reporter was scheduled to come by. Nothing says “major cute” than a two-year-old dusted with a little Gold Medal flour.

Gretchen gave me permission to share the recipe but I have to warn you they take some effort. Check the recipe tab of this blog. There is yeast, some kneading, and rising twice involved. You will not be disappointed.

Santa reflections

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Before I packed up Christmas this year I wanted to reflect a little on that jolly old fellow. Was it me, or did there seem to be more Santa sightings than usual this Christmas season? Santa made it to the day center my special needs daughter attends. Santa also visited a YMCA party a couple of days before Christmas. With a fan base greater than Justin Bieber, Santa even stayed for pictures.

A couple of days before Christmas I saw him sitting on his throne at the mall. Nothing super unusual about that … except for the thousand very patient people in line waiting their turn. Perhaps the most unusual sighting for me was the grocery store. Actually, I never “saw” him with my own eyeballs but the announcement over the loud speaker spoke for itself. It was the same grocery store that a Facebook friend commented seeing an especially handsome Santa hangin’ out in our local Kroger.

“Would Mr. Claus please return to Customer Service for a message,” the voice boomed.

Oh, and did I mention Santa made a stop on Christmas Eve at our house. Mimi has an especially large lumpy spot in her heart for the bearded fellow. Always has. Most parents have that one special photograph of their little crying child sitting on Santa’s lap. Not so with Mimi.

Our son is a different story! Ricky was probably two when we hit the mall for our annual Santa photo. The two older girls went first as a reluctant Ricky watched. Katie sat on one of Santa’s knees and Mimi on the other. There were lots of smiles and laughter! We actually have much the same photograph of Ricky. Ricky is wailing on one of Santa’s knees and my husband is on the other knee. I offered to buy Santa a six-pack of ear plugs. He just shook his head and smiled.

“It comes with the job,” he whispered.

Since 2007 Santa has been parking his sleigh out in front of our house so he can get his annual “Mimi hug.” Mimi and Santa met at a Christmas party when I was working in the back office of a hotel several years back. He’s been coming to our house on Christmas Eve ever since. The photos don’t capture the lingering embrace and the way Mimi pats Santa on the back as they hug. But you get the gist.

Our “Sharing Sunday” tradition

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The beauty of a blog is having the ability to tell the story with words and pictures. I’m not used to that luxury with writing a column for a newspaper. So let’s see what happens with this week’s post!

Every year for about the past 30 years, St. Martha Catholic Church in Kingwood, Texas has had a special weekend in mid-December called “Sharing Sunday.” The gist is parishioners bring mostly gifts, and some groceries, to church. We wrap and tag them with age and gender and bring them up during the offertory. I mean … a boy wouldn’t want to get a baby doll if you know what I mean.

This year the gifts were to benefit 14 local parishes in the Houston area, as well as the needy in our own parish. It is quite a sight to see hundreds of wrapped presents, stuffed animals, bikes and sacks of food stacked in front of the altar and around the church. Our special needs daughter used to point and say “mine,” but not this year. Mimi has her mind focused on “Ho-Ho.”

Our family starts saving for the next “Sharing Sunday” on December 26, by collecting loose change in the empty glass milk jugs that rest next to the microwave. By the time we feed the CoinStar machine the coins almost always total 100 bucks. This year hubby went along for the first time to see how the entire process of purchasing gifts works. I gave him camera duty so he could pay his way.

Next we were off to On the Park, a local Kingwood toy/candy store. I like to use local businesses, and the friendly owner, Fred, is always up for some fun small talk. This year we talked politics for about 30 minutes right next to the stuffed Frosty the Snowman. The other benefit of On the Park is they will wrap everything and I’m a certified terrible package wrapper. Just ask my kids.

“Mom wrapped this one, right?” Katie and Ricky have been known to say on many occasions.

Rick followed me around the store pointing out toys he thought kids would like. I turned down everything with a large price tag. My goal is to purchase as many fun toys as I can for a reasonable price. Did you know “Melissa and Doug” gifts are hot gifts for kids? Who knew? Not me … I’m still waiting for grandkids. We walked out with a dozen nice gifts and can’t wait for next year. Sharing … it’s another reason for the season.

Johnny “Football” Manziel … and the spontaneous night at the Heisman Awards!

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Chad and HeismanSo by now everyone that doesn’t live under a ginormous boulder in the middle of the Grand Canyon knows Texas A&M’s very own Johnny “Football” Manziel won the Heisman!

My daughter, Katie, and new husband, Chad, just happened to be in New York City hanging with Chad’s brother and family the very weekend of the Heisman award. They got there the Thursday before the big Heisman announcement. The city was buzzing about the upcoming event that would be held Saturday.

I saw their pictures on Facebook. It sure looked like they were having a great time. There were pictures of Magnolia Bakery cupcakes, Rockefeller Center, Central Park, and the Christmas Market at Columbus Circle. And every day they made sure to walk past the Best Buy Theater on Broadway … just in case there was a Johnny “Football” Manziel sighting.

Did I mention Chad graduated from Texas A&M? This season Chad and some of his buddies attended the game of a lifetime … the A&M/Alabama game where A&M stomped all over Bama. Oh, and anyone that knows our daughter also knows Katie went to The University of Texas. I know … it’s a mixed marriage … but if anyone can make it work … they can.

So the night the Heisman was announced Katie, Chad and his brother, Kevin, decided, what the heck, let’s head down to Best Buy Theater for the big announcement. They were staying in Harlem and unfortunately missed the train that would bring them to Best Buy Theater on time. The important thing was to be down at the theater to celebrate. After all … Manzeil had won!!!

So there they were just after the announcement, Chad and Kevin standing in front of the Best Buy Theater. Kevin was posing Chad trying to get a picture of him in front of the banner sign that was congratulating Johnny. Our daughter was a few feet away at the street corner on Broadway when she saw three guys walk by. They had just left the Best Buy Theater. Two of the dudes had VIP passes around their necks. I don’t know the exact details, but she chatted them up, and one of the guys, a Heisman trustee, gives her his VIP pass. She promptly runs over to Chad and yells, “Get in there now!”

“My heart was racing when Katie handed me the VIP pass and told me to GO!! I had no idea I was heading to the floor where all the action was. I was just a few feet away from the greatest Heisman winners to play football … Doug Flutie, Earl Campbell, John David Crow to name a few,” said Chad.

Chad got a great photo with his hand on the Heisman trophy after the ceremony was over on the very stage where the ceremony was held. While he was standing in line to get the photograph of a lifetime, he chatted with Kevin Sumlin, A&M’s head coach, and with Kliff Kingsbury (A&M’s offensive coordinator, but as 12/12/12, the new head coach of his alma mater, Texas Tech). Both were in line to also get a firsthand glimpse of the Heisman. I could just imagine Chad saying to himself, “God … just pinch me now!”

“It wasn’t until later that I actually shook hands with Johnny Manziel. Katie, Kevin and I were walking the hallways on the 43rd floor of the Marriott marquis, where the Heisman hospitality suite was. Johnny and a few others walked right by so I was able to say congrats and quickly shake his hand,” Chad said.

Chad and Katie call it their spontaneous night at the Heisman Awards Ceremony. What a night … on so many levels!

Its Christmas ladies sew let’s party

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I have belonged to a Prayer Quilt Ministry at our church for the past five years. We make prayer quilts for the sick of our parish and have quite an operation. Around 60 prayer quilts each year are blessed by one of our parish priests and given to ill parishioners. Most every Wednesday we laugh … sometimes we cry … we always pray … and sew.

There are a couple of tables on one side of the room with a nest of ladies hand sewing bindings down and prayer pockets on the back. On the other side there is a group of tables with two or three sewing machines humming along way over the legal speed limit. They are creating quilt tops and machine stitching bindings. There is another table where the three layers of a quilt are being tied. And we’ve got this awesome station where the ironing gets done. Our fabulous Helaine custom-made this huge heat-resistant cover for one of the tables. You can have dueling irons working at the same time.

Now I know my husband “follows” my blog and there is no way he understood what I just wrote. He thinks I knit quilts together. It is okay sweetie … you are not supposed to know about that kind of stuff.

So today we celebrated the 10th anniversary of the group and had a Christmas Party. Hey … we are ladies … we like to party. It’s in our DNA. Of course there was food involved complete with festive centerpieces and tablecloths. Can’t have a party without the proper décor. Betty came prepared with a couple of Christmas games she found on-line that was a crowd pleaser. No acts of sewing were accomplished but we connected and celebrated the reason for the season … the upcoming birth of our Lord.

Blackened and most memorable

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I stopped by our local Hallmark Shop last week for a couple of sheets of fancy-looking Thanksgiving-themed paper. Actually, it’s the sort of pretty paper used to print party invites on. I use them to handwrite our holiday menus. Our daughter, Katie, has the artistic flair in the family, so she has handwriting duty.

Every year we audition a couple of new recipes for the holidays along with our favorite tried-and-true dishes. The menu this year kinda looked like this: hickory-smoked turkey with horseradish applesauce, mixed greens and goat cheese with bacon-wrapped figs, homemade orange liquored cranberry sauce, citrus-glazed carrots, sourdough dressing with sausage and dates, sweet potato rolls with honey butter, mashed potatoes and gravy … and for dessert pumpkin cheesecake tart and thick-as-mud chocolate pie. It all tasted as good as it reads … except for … well …

This year I’ve decided to make some notes on the back of the menu like who attended the Frantz family festivities and a couple of memories of the day. Yep, memories like the sourdough dressing with sage-inspired sausage and dates (the recipe called for figs) was the best stuffing ever. And where have bacon-wrapped figs been all my life? Oh, and the delicious pumpkin cheesecake tart from her new Smitten Kitchen cookbook our daughter crafted from scratch that almost wasn’t. Katie didn’t like the thinness of the pumpkin part of the recipe and almost threw the whole thing in the trash. Thanks to our new son-in-law the tart was saved.

Did I mention there was a very important football game on while the finishing touches were being put on the Turkey Day meal? It was the Texans vs. the Lions. We had survived one tense overtime just the week before. Would we survive another? The citrus-glazed carrots were on the grill when the game went into overtime. And you know how long “overtime” sometimes takes in a football game? Let’s just say it was way more than the four to six minutes needed for adding grill marks to carrots.

One of the reasons we make up holiday menu cards is somewhere between the blessing and going through the buffet line, I run a reality check to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything. One year a batch of rolls got left in the oven for a week because I just forgot them.

“Where are the carrots?” I remarked in alarm.

Two sets of eyeballs opened wide, my husband and son-in-law, as they realized they were still on the grill. Let’s just call the citrus-glazed carrots this year’s most blackened and memorable dish. Funniest thing you’ve ever seen! It further lightened the Thanksgiving mood as family stories would soon make it around the table.

In a few days I’ll make my way back to our local Hallmark shop. I need some of that pretty paper for makin’ Christmas menu memories.

For Pinot’s sake

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I learned there are several ways to approach visiting California wineries. One popular way is to reserve a seat on a limo/bus and travel to a bunch of wineries in one day without getting arrested for playing bumper cars on Highway 29. You can find plenty of limo services on the web that, for a fee, will drive you around all day. Our daughter-in-law did just that for our son’s birthday this year. They had a blast! Oh, and they were so snookered by lunch they fell asleep on the grass during one of the winery stops. Yep, and nearly got left behind by their limo driver. I asked if they took any pictures of the wineries. They figured the camera would get lost, so they left it home. Smart kids!

With only one day to get the teeniest sip of wine country, we considered the limo approach, but opted for just picking one winery that included a tour. We actually were in the area to visit our Air Force son, who is today deploying to scary parts of the world, and our lovely daughter-in-law. With a French oak barrel full of possibilities, how in the world does anyone pick a winery? That was the twenty dollar question. Our oldest daughter and new son-in-law came to the rescue. They had just gotten back from their honeymoon in Napa and Sonoma.

“I went to yelp.com and Hendry Winery had lots of great reviews,” Katie said.

She knew her engineer/dad would love George Hendry and his approach to winemaking. I mean how often does one get to be in the presence of a dude that is passionate about wine and also designs cyclotrons for Pinot’s sake? George is also a physicist. I liked that Hendry wine (www.hendrywines.com) is made of grapes harvested from the 140 acres of grapes planted on the estate. Oh, and the bottle of Hendry Pinot that Katie and Chad brought back to us certainly helped sealed the deal.

The tour/tasting lasted 2-1/2 hours. They do them twice a day. Be sure to reserve in advance. It was $40 per person (fee waived with equivalent purchase) and included an educational tour of the vineyard, where they made and stored the wines, and a seated, formal tasting. Katie indicated a “seated tasting” was a little unusual for Napa/Sonoma and she thought we’d enjoy it better than hangin’ onto a bar for dear life. Did we ever!

Somewhere between their unoaked Chardonnay and the Pinot Noir, I was feeling warm and a tad lightheaded. It’s probably why I couldn’t tell you whether we sampled six, seven or eight different wines. We were taught to swirl and sip and it was all good … especially the Pinot Noir. We noticed the difference in taste and color of the barrel fermented and unoaked Chardonnay. Of the 12 bottles we bought, and they conveniently shipped home to us, three were Pinot Noir. We are saving them for a special occasion. What the heck, we’ll uncork a bottle this weekend. Weekends are special, aren’t they?

Pink boas and tiaras

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Happy Halloween!!! Leaving a trail of feathers as I wheeled Mimi down the driveway this morning to her bus, I had to admit the girl was looking mighty fine. Mimi was all decked out in a long pink feather boa and sparkly tiara. Then there was Mimi’s bus driver, Miss Beverly. She was kinda scary-looking dressed all in black with a long black wig and colorful mask. Strange … she must have cast a spell on me. I can’t remember if the mask was orange or pink.

So anyway, today the day center Mimi attends is going to be partying hardy. This year Mimi is a princess for Halloween. Actually, she totally fits the part without the garb. Last year Mimi was an angel … same boa and tiara … but since she has gotten a new wheelchair, the pink angel wings keep falling off the back. I hate when that happens.

Halloween is Mimi’s most favorite holiday. It’s not so much about the candy, although she would totally eat chocolate anything for breakfast if we let her. I’ve never seen Mimi’s baby blues any wider then when she is chugging chocolate milk. We have surmised Mimi’s fascination with Halloween is because she can’t pronounce Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter and Valentine’s Day. Actually, she calls every holiday “Halloween,” but we know what she means.

Except for a year in Michigan when Mimi was a tot, we’ve lived on the same block since she was born with cerebral palsy 28 years ago. And we’ve tricked and treated for all but the past couple of years. It takes two people to get her and the wheelchair up the curbs so now Mimi helps hand out the candy. Actually, if the truth were told, Mimi could care less about the candy. She was always more interested in the bear hugs from the neighbors. Oh, and then there are the neighbors who dress up their dogs. That always got ginormous squeals from Mimi.

Yep, I suspect by the time Mimi gets home from the day center, the tiara will be a bit bent and there will not be one feather left on the boa. Next year I’m buying a six pack of both.

Bugs and yellow fuzz

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It seems like I’ve been spending lots of my time this week maintaining. I started the week by purchasing the license tag for the family roadster … check. Next, I moved on to having said vehicle inspected … check again.

Oh, and then there was the bug man. Not sure I can officially “check” that one off exactly. He backed out of the driveway without spraying the outside of the house. Of course it conveniently started to rain right as he rang the door bell. Oops … so sorry I can’t do the outside, he says with a smile … some other time. Yeah right. Betcha nine dollars the dude forgot my address the minute he backed out of my driveway.  

 And lastly there was taking Lulu for her first yearly exam/shots. Boy howdy was that an adventure. This was my first time to take our pooch to the vet. Hubby did all the puppy visits. Last week when I called to make the appointment the receptionist indicated I needed to bring a poop sample. Thankfully, she could not see the look on my face.

Yeah, and the night before the vet visit Lulu ate most of the yellow fuzz off a long-lost tennis ball she found under the couch.

 “Dear, you’ve got to follow Lulu out in the backyard in the morning and get a fresh sample of you-know-what for me to take to the vet. If they give me grief about the yellow fuzz, I’m going to give them your phone number. Oh, and please make sure that Ziplock is sealed good and tight,” I told my husband with a shiver.

I decided since the vet wasn’t too far from the house, Lulu and I would make it an adventure and walk. Yep, a little exercise would be great for the both of us. With my purse over my right shoulder and the Ziplock bag in my left hand held carefully between two fingers we started off. Well, you didn’t expect me to put “it” in my purse, did ya?

Did I mention that Lulu pulls with the strength of a team of hairy-legged horses dragging a beer truck with two flat tires? A Dog Whisperer intervention was on my mind as she pulled mightily the entire mile to the vet’s office. Not that Lulu has an aggressive nature you understand. She trembled under the examination table when the good-natured vet appeared. Four shots, a friendly lecture on tartar build-up and another on Lulu needing to lose four pounds and we were out the door towards home. Whoa horsey … I mean Lulu! 

 Geez, I can’t wait till next week. No tellin’ what the heater man has in store!

The unfinished project

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I took a black and white photography class in college a bunch of years ago. Spent gobs of hours in a darkroom and loved every single second of it. My favorite part was watching the images slowly appear on the photographic paper as I swished the tray full of chemicals to and fro. I gotta tell you … magical stuff happens in a darkroom.

One of the photo projects assigned by the professor late in the semester was to produce a self-portrait. I know what you are thinking. That’s pretty darn difficult considering you can’t be in two places at once … being the subject of the photograph and holding the camera. For the kinda of photo the professor was looking for, it woulda been mighty tricky to go the route of tripod and timer. So basically, the assignment required setting up the shot of how you see yourself and then having someone else just push the camera’s button. Sounds simple enough until you actually have to look at yourself in the mirror and try to figure out just who the heck you are!

At the time, I was a non-traditional student. I started taking college classes when our youngest hit first grade, so I already looked pretty funny carrying around a backpack instead of a purse that resembled a diaper bag. I could play off that angle, but it sounded a little too simple … backpack over one shoulder and diaper bag over the other. But I was also a wife, mother of three, daughter, sister, aunt … all the awesome roles that go along with living the life. Nothing inspirational immediately came to mind for a photo.

Fortunately, the college project happened to be right around the time we decorate the house for Halloween. One of the things I recall pulling out of the closet was a Halloween quilt that had never quite made it to completion. The cute quilt top had been pieced years ago with a number of pumpkins and bats. It never made it to the final quilting/binding phase. So the closet was where it stayed folded neatly for many, many Halloweens.

It’s amazing what idea pops out when you rattle the rocks around in your head a little. I wound up taking the unfinished pumpkin/bat quilt and draping it over my head like a scarf. Just like the quilt, it was certain I was also an unfinished project. Heck, we all are! And the Halloween quilt … finished it … last year. I’m still working on me.